Holiday resourcefulness, traditions and the gifts of presence

While I love Thanksgiving week and its invitation to slow down, what follows for me is a period of shame, fear and frustration: Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday. These days become dismal with lack, comparison and desire. My financial status and related compromises tell the tale of a single mama running a small business while struggling to make ends meet, give her children more, and live fully when her pocketbook is sparse.  

Knowing this late-November shadow cycles yearly, I’ve learned to reset my mind and remember my wealth. Despite living in “the bubble” (the Wood River Valley), my kids and I have so much. If you were to open my cupboards, you’d see my food abundances and believe I was rich and secure.  

Still, this time of year is challenging for me psychologically. In many ways, I’m a minimalist and don’t support the culture of capitalism. Yet, I still want stuff, and I become a bit Grinch-y as I scroll past sale ads and “last chance” ad for very appealing, luxurious items. Unable to splurge, I bah-humbug the decorating, advent calendars and Elf on the Shelf. I hear of others’ spending on big gifts and exotic trips, while I buy essentials like wool socks and toxin-free undies. Over the years, I focus on the simple mantra: buy something my kids want, something they need, something to play and something to read.

As I shut out noises of commercialism, I envision being more like Bob Cratchit, embodying the Christmas spirit of love. This week, my business coaches reminded me to cultivate the energy of giving and receiving versus getting and taking. Rather than, “How do I get more?” I ask, “How can I give more?” This is a subtle, yet powerful, determination.

The very act of giving changes my holiday vibe. Giving softens my expectations and reflects my values. More than an energetic shift, it’s a biochemical shift away from stress. We cannot be simultaneously creative and stressed! Plus, when we’re stressed, the brain narrowly focuses on survival, and us unable to think outside the box, reducing our potential for creativity.

There are many healthy ways to move into a calmer, clearer, more resourceful state of mind. This is no small feat – I could write an entire article on that topic alone. However you do it, a first step in being creative about the holidays is moving from “fight, flight or freeze” (stress) into “rest, restore, digest” (calm).

It takes days and ample effort for me to chill out about finances and the “culture of more” to truly enjoy the holidays. It brings me great anxiety (stress!) to shop! I cannot afford to buy quality, eco-friendly, hand-made items from small producers, artists and entrepreneurs I endeavor to support. Yet, perhaps, one or two things we need.

When I move from woe-is-me, exclusionist Grinch mentality into a loving, giving mama, my imagination opens. I get creative about money, gifts, and traditions like cookie parties and decorating. I trade the want of things for the want of experiences. Sure, the financial situation remains yet no longer casts a shadow over the most meaningful present: presence. 

Those of us who have lived on a shoestring have mastered the strategy of creative purchases. For wants and needs I look for pro-deal discounts and second-hand items in excellent condition (and not outdated), for ski, hockey and outdoor gear kids outgrow quickly. Doing so keeps my hard-earned money in our local economy and supports non-profits, too. I sell our own good-condition items, then apply those earnings to gifts. Then, I ask for help with big items and new clothes. Grandparents give the best gifts because I tell them exactly what my kids want.  

For something to play, typically I gift used puzzles and games we can enjoy together. Something to read? I buy from our local bookstore – one book for each kid, my mom, myself (and an oracle deck for my stocking).

That covers the want, need, play and read items! Then, like the icing on the cake, I like to give something unique and hand-crafted. There are many artisans offering ceramic mugs, earrings, cutting boards, natural skincare, hand-dyed silks, cloth napkins – and more – at local shops and holiday markets. Though I cannot afford everything, careful selection of a few handmade goods from our creative community brings me great joy!

Finally, traditions that are more about presence than giving. My family has a long tradition of making handmade gifts to give to aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers and others we appreciate. Often, it’s food-related, like fall fruit preserves, elderberry syrup, dried morels or buckeyes. We’ve also made bookmarks, felted ornaments, woven hot pads, ceramic bowls and beeswax candles. I love receiving these packages from my family! 

Our tree tradition is new, born from the fact that I cannot cut down any more trees. We create something different than the previous year and my favorites are more like sculptures – one made of books, another of sticks and twine. This year’s tree? Stuffed animals!

Every year we make a gingerbread house, and I co-host a cookie party. These kitchen traditions keep us creative together, and we get to share the treats! Yes, I dream of giving my children a tropical vacation for Christmas, but it’s just not in the cards. In the meantime, I’m remaining true to my values by giving my attention to my children, being resourceful about gift-giving and upholding our favorite traditions.